Five Kids

Five Kids

Friday, September 13, 2013

The Aftermath of Hurricane Summer

It's amazing how we all turn into a bunch of slobs during the summer time. For the first few weeks, at least, I try to keep the mess under control, begging my kids to clean up after themselves at the end of each day. But by the end, I've completely given up. So for the past few weeks, while my kids are being enlightened at school, I've been busy digging out. If my life were a news report, it would read something like this:


Reporting to you live from news channel 8, this is (insert name here) with a special update.

Yesterday marked the two-week anniversary of the end of Hurricane Summer. For those of you just joining us, the ten-week long Hurricane Summer blew through the homes of many recently, leaving massive destruction in its wake. The unprecedented length of Hurricane Summer has made it one of the most destructive, though surprisingly non-deadly, hurricanes in history. Cleanup efforts are well underway, but are expected to take anywhere from three weeks to two months.

We are reporting to you live from one such home, where residents are reeling from the shock as they struggle to recover. In this home, over 5000 Legos have been rescued so far, discovered in an alarming variety of hiding places after the hurricane stormed through. Because they were spread so far, many have not yet been recovered. The number of Legos reported missing is rising at an alarming rate. The following website has been established to assist residents who are still searching for a beloved Lego: richardslegorecovery.com. Rumors have surfaced that the Legos are somehow secretly reproducing at night while residents slumber, but nothing has been confirmed.

An astounding number of abandoned vehicles has been reported as well. Many are in surprisingly good condition, despite the abuse they endured during the storm. If you are in need of a new car (or Thomas Train), they are first come first served. (Please note that all available cars and trains are much smaller than the average family car. They will fit in the palm of your hand.)

A record number of tiny pieces of paper have been found after a scissor-like, gale-force wind blew through the area with a vengeance. At first glance, residents mistook the tiny paper clippings for snowflakes.

Several unidentified food items have been found ground into carpets and couches throughout the house. Some smell like peanut butter. Other patches are covered in an orange dusting. We can surmise that countless tiny goldfish lost their lives over the course of this storm. Additionally, it appears that this particular hurricane had an affinity for chewing gum. Sticky mounds in a plethora of colors have been located on and under the couches, mashed into the carpet, wedged between floorboards, and perched decoratively on bookshelves and dressers.

And, as always in these kinds of disasters, the amount of unidentified debris scattered throughout the house is massive. Toys, snacks, shoes, socks, blankets, electronic gadgets, books, markers, clothes, crayons, utensils, cups, snack bowls, goggles, pillows, etc. The items sit, scattered haphazardly throughout the house, waiting for their owners to claim them. The debris is currently making travel throughout the region exceedingly difficult. Caution is therefore advised if travel is attempted, though residents should consider avoiding it for as long as possible. If travel is unavoidable, expect major delays.

Residents of the Richards' home, and others in the affected area, are making the best of their situation. As governor Mom oversees cleanup efforts, you can expect to catch her consuming excessive amounts of chocolate. Her aids are telling us she is unlikely to consider running for a second term.



Wednesday, September 4, 2013

An Introvert's Guide to Stay-Home Parenting

My kids are back in school and I feel normal again. It's amazing how fast I went from total-raving-lunatic-who-can't-focus-long-enough-to-form-a-complete-sentence to semi-normal, functional adult. What made the difference?

One little hour-and-a-half of silence.

On a typical school day, we run errands and do household chores in the morning while Energy, Mellow, and Bright are at school. After lunch, Plucky gets on the bus for afternoon kindergarten and Caboose goes down for a nap. Then I have almost two hours before Energy comes bounding off the middle school bus. Compared to the constant song and dance I feel I must keep up to entertain everyone over the summer, this feels like a well-deserved reward.

Silence is golden, as they say. But for me, and other introverts out there, silence is essential. The Huffington Post even says so in this article detailing the signs of an introvert.

Before I became a parent, I didn't know I was an introvert. Sure, I often felt a bit shy and always hated being in the spotlight. But I didn't understand all the complexities that go hand in hand with my introverted personality--most notably, my need for alone time to recharge my mental and emotional batteries.

Introverts crave solitude. Though we may enjoy spending time with large groups of friends, or children, as the case may be, some alone time at the end of it all is vital. Without it, we are unable to recharge and regain a sense of normalcy. For a stay-home mom, on call 24/7, this alone time can be extremely elusive. To compensate for the lack of silence during my days, I tend to stay up way too late at night. I have always considered this to be a character flaw, but I've come to understand that it's my way of recharging. I enjoy the silence. I revel in it. It makes me feel alive again, and ready to tackle a new day.

But I do need to be functional in the  mornings and throughout the day, so I've come up with some ways to fulfill my introverted needs without compromising my sleep every single night.


1. Ignore the phone. If you don't feel like talking, don't answer it. If it's important, they will leave a message and you can call back when you're done recharging.

2. Don't be afraid to hide out in the bathroom when necessary. I've mentioned this before, but I often resort to the bathroom to escape the noise and chaos of the house when I just need to breathe and clear my head. I also do this at parties sometimes when I'm just tired of making small talk. Don't laugh--it totally works.

3. Keep a pen and a generous supply of sticky notes handy. Your non-stop inner monologue will often feed you brilliant ideas when circumstances prevent further pondering--like when you're driving, cooking dinner or reading to your kids. Write them down and think more later. 

4. Don't try to fit too many activities into one day. This includes laundry, grocery shopping, play dates, dance class, whatever. I try not to plan more than one morning activity and one afternoon activity per day because I know trying to squeeze more in will stress me out. With five kids, and lots of different interests, this gets tricky. But I'm a firm believer in kids not being over-scheduled and, between all the running around that comes with my job, sometimes I just need to spend time in my home. Limiting each of my kids to one extracurricular activity at a time makes this manageable.

5. Ignore people who tell you to come out of your shell. Only do it if you want to, and only on your own time. Being outgoing and outspoken is not a marker of success. (Unless you are in school and being graded on classroom participation--in that case, suck it up. Sorry.) Luckily, as a stay-home-parent, nobody is grading you on anything. If your Pinterest perusals have led you to believe otherwise, remember that the things of most importance aren't the kinds of things that can be captured in a photograph and plastered online. 


In summary, I love being a stay-home mom. There are many ways I've found in which it actually suits the introvert within me. For example, I don't have to show up at an office, primped to perfection every morning at 8:00 am. If I want to stay in my PJ's till noon, no one has to know about it. Also, I don't have to make small talk with coworkers. The only thing small about the conversations I have is the size of the people I have them with.

I've spent a lot of time trying to reconcile my inner introvert with a job that requires me to spend my days with tiny socialites. I've only recently realized that there's nothing to reconcile. Whether you're an extrovert or an introvert, being a stay-home parent is hard. The key is to take joy in the moments that suit you and take heart in the moments that don't.