Summer Survival Part 2

Today lets talk about that which is both my summer savior and my summer bane: screens. When I say screens I'm referring to any entertainment device with a screen, including but not limited to TV, ipad, ipod, DS, computer, etc. My kids and I have a long history with screens.

I cheered the first time each of my toddlers sat through an entire 20-minute episode of Blue's Clues. Their burgeoning love of colorful and sometimes creepy (Yo Gabba Gabba anyone?) children's television meant I could finally take a shower, load the dishwasher without "help," or make an uninterrupted phone call. But once a love of coach potatoism was firmly embedded for each chid, it then became my job to spend the next 16 years (or so) telling them to "Turn it off".

Because of the trouble screens have caused in our home (nobody EVER obeys the first, second or even fifth time I ask them to turn it off), we now have the rule that during the school week, there are no screens allowed. Fridays and Saturdays are our only screen days. This works really well during the school year, but unless I want to be doing a constant song and dance to keep them entertained over the summer, a ban on screens is no longer practical when there's no school. But I've also noticed that when screen usage goes unregulated for even one whole day, my kids are cranky and prone to inexplicable meltdowns and fights. I think this is because they don't feel fulfilled when they spend the whole day in front of a screen, much the same way I do when I waste a whole evening in mindless channel surfing. Because they feel unfulfilled, they get cranky and upset at the drop of a hat. They don't understand why, but the feelings are still real. It's our job as their caretakers to help them engage in activities that make them feel good about themselves.

So it seems, like so many other aspects of life, that balance is key. We've played with a lot of different screen arrangements over the years and I don't think there's any one right answer. When and how much you allow will depend on the temperament of your kids and the current dynamic in your home. I usually give my kids two hours in the morning while I'm getting ready for the day (I have to admit here that I'm not a morning person and in the summer, my kids are usually up before I am). But they know they can't start screens until 7:00 am, and they're supposed to eat breakfast first. I'm certain that Energy and Mellow would set their alarms and get up at 5:00 am to start playing Minecraft if they could. The other two times I've allowed screen usage over the years is either when a baby is napping or when I'm making dinner, but not both. For me, the morning screen time is not something I'm willing to give up. But the afternoon is different. If they don't have screens then, I'm not still stuck in morning grumpy mode and can more effectively handle it. And offering another hour of screens in the afternoon can become an essential bargaining chip. If you make screen time contingent on something, then you suddenly have some very eager-to-please children on your hands.

For example:

"If you spend an hour reading, then you earn your hour of afternoon screen time".
"If you clean your room, then you get afternoon screens."
"If you spend an hour playing a made-up game with your siblings, then you can watch screens."
"If you play outside for an hour, you earn an hour of screens."
"If you complete five workbook pages, then you earn your screens."

Pretty simple, right? Usually when I'm coming up with our summer schedule we have a block of quiet time before afternoon screens and I have lists of acceptable activities to do during this time. Reading, writing, using their imaginations, coloring, free play outside, etc. Anything to get their minds working and encourage them to be kids. But they have to engage in the activity if they want to earn their afternoon screens. Moping around saying "I'm bored" doesn't count and if they do that I just remind them that they have to be doing another activity for a whole hour in order to earn their screen time. The hour doesn't start until they quit moping.

Now, lest you begin to think too highly of me, I must admit that the allowed afternoon hour usually stretches to two when I get caught up in a good book or other personal activity. Luckily, my kids don't notice so it doesn't undermine the schedule. Please do me a favor and don't tell them.

Once you find an arrangement that works for your family, screens can be a great summer motivator. And since you will no longer feel guilty about letting it go unregulated, screen time offers a precious few moments of quiet time before the chaos of dinner sets in.